Asexy Pontification #9000
Sex to me isn’t something bad, it’s just something rather strange and irrelevant. Imagine something bizarre but totally harmless, like being dipped into a giant vat of warm garlic flavored mashed potatoes. Messy? Oh yeah. Yummy? Sure. Nutritious? Hells yeah (potatoes are pretty great). Would I try it at least once? For the luls, sure. However, it’s not something I would want to pattern my life around. Without the vat of potatoes, I would continue to be a complete person who leads a good life.
Just cause I’m not into it doesn’t mean I hate it or look down on others. I just have better things to do.
Reblogged from my personal tumblr. Because of reasons.
I made a thing
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS PERFECT
EVERYTHING
“youre not asexual, you just need a good lay”
… nope. Still asexual.
yeah, no, that didn’t work either. Still ace.
(Source: musichettas, via southpawscopic)
Woa, they discovered the secret behind our asexy powers! (skip to 40 seconds in if you’re impatient)
Asexuals Exist or Something, Says Book, But They Are Probably Sad Like This Cookie
By SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE FACT-CHECKING
PUBLISHED: 17:43 EST, 8 September 2012
Caption: Asexuals enjoy baking, but they don’t believe in heart-shaped cookies, and thus smash them in hate-filled rage.
Roughly 1% of the world’s population is ‘asexual,’ according to experts. This means that 70 million people feel no sexual attraction to other human beings, which basically means they hate everybody.
“I don’t hate everybody,” says some asexual somewhere (age 23). ”I actually like a lot of people. I’m just not sexually attracted to them.”
As the above quote demonstrates, asexuals suffer from a dearth of human emotions. Asexuals don’t feel the need to form bonds with other people, and enjoy living alone in cardboard boxes in the woods. A large percentage of them (74.3%, according to a study conducted in the UK) enjoy playing sad songs on slightly out-of-tune ukuleles.
“Asexuality is caused by alien waves from space,” says Anthony Bogaert, who is in Canada and also a professor. At least, he probably said something like that; the Daily Mail included that quote and we couldn’t be bothered to fact-check.
Experts say that ‘asexuals’ are only now ‘coming out’ so they can recruit young, untainted minds to their cause. Their ultimate goal is to give everyone diabetes from non-heart-shaped cookies, so that people stop having sex.
“There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality in the media,” says illegally hot David Jay, the founder of AVEN, who is so attractive it makes us sad that he is asexual. He said other stuff too, but we were too busy ogling him to pay attention.
(via southpawscopic)
YUSSSSSS
Because it is my mission in life to be objectionable. Oh wait, what I meant to say was accurate. Oh wait, what I really meant to say is awesome.
(cake free since 03; that’s right, ruining all the stereotypes. Pie lovers are the deviants of the asexual realm and one day I will be lord of the secretive pie underworld)
(via southpawscopic)
Happy Birthday USA
or as I like to call it FREEDOM DAY. (in america)
I’ve been trying to think of some witty little phrase to improve the pure ace-splosion that is this cake, but yeah. No words. Just nomming with my eyes.
(Source: fuckyeahawesomefood)
NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY
