Sex to me isn’t something bad, it’s just something rather strange and irrelevant. Imagine something bizarre but totally harmless, like being dipped into a giant vat of warm garlic flavored mashed potatoes. Messy? Oh yeah. Yummy? Sure. Nutritious? Hells yeah (potatoes are pretty great). Would I try it at least once? For the luls, sure. However, it’s not something I would want to pattern my life around. Without the vat of potatoes, I would continue to be a complete person who leads a good life.
Just cause I’m not into it doesn’t mean I hate it or look down on others. I just have better things to do.
Reblogged from my personal tumblr. Because of reasons.
Caption: Asexuals enjoy baking, but they don’t believe in heart-shaped cookies, and thus smash them in hate-filled rage.
Roughly 1% of the world’s population is ‘asexual,’ according to experts. This means that 70 million people feel no sexual attraction to other human beings, which basically means they hate everybody.
“I don’t hate everybody,” says some asexual somewhere (age 23). ”I actually like a lot of people. I’m just not sexually attracted to them.”
As the above quote demonstrates, asexuals suffer from a dearth of human emotions. Asexuals don’t feel the need to form bonds with other people, and enjoy living alone in cardboard boxes in the woods. A large percentage of them (74.3%, according to a study conducted in the UK) enjoy playing sad songs on slightly out-of-tune ukuleles.
“Asexuality is caused by alien waves from space,” says Anthony Bogaert, who is in Canada and also a professor. At least, he probably said something like that; the Daily Mail included that quote and we couldn’t be bothered to fact-check.
Experts say that ‘asexuals’ are only now ‘coming out’ so they can recruit young, untainted minds to their cause. Their ultimate goal is to give everyone diabetes from non-heart-shaped cookies, so that people stop having sex.
“There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality in the media,” says illegally hot David Jay, the founder of AVEN, who is so attractive it makes us sad that he is asexual. He said other stuff too, but we were too busy ogling him to pay attention.
I think of kissing like I think of math. Sounds great in theory, though I’m probably terrible at the execution. No way to know for sure because I’ve never done it/had a tutor, but I am open to the idea.
This blog is great! <3 You are hilarious and a totally refreshing read. I am a very happy grace right now. :) (Cake jokes ARE STILL FUNNY even though they are so overdone, and this blog combines two of my favorite other things: ace jokes and hipster jokes!)
Thanks for the awesome note elebuufish! I’m glad you like the blog. After reading your note, I thought I’d try my hand at cake jokes for a change. They certainly are mainstream, but maybe my demented brain can throw a delectable spin on things. That or confuse everyone. :)
I’ve started a personal tumblr full of my art, ramblings, tinychat stuff, and things I find funny. I figured I might as well make one to help keep asexyhipster a bit more focused on hipster ace macros. Feel free to check it out. If you ask me a question there, I’ll draw a derpy sketch as a response. :)
my week has been full of hate and prejudice and anti everything and then i found your blog and it even has demisexual on it and i just want to hug you ok. your blog made my night. its cool to remember there are other people like me out there, and that theres still nice people, you know?
Before reading this:
Dealing with haters sucks. That’s why I stick to humor. :) If I hold nothing sacred/take nothing seriously, they have no ammunition.
How can you not be attracted to anyone? ugh i don't mean to be rude but i really do not understand it. You just never want to have sex? like tfdngjtggdf what i'm sorry don't post this if you find it offensive lol
How can you not be attracted to anyone? ugh i don’t mean to be rude but i really do not understand it.
Awesome! :D Love the spectacles, by the way. Seeing other ace hipsters is pretty awesome. Everyone, feel free to message me with any hipster ace swankiness you care to show off.
(also, sorry about lack up updates recently. This last week I did a 140ft rappel down an arch, slept in the sand, hiked to Delicate Arch to watch the sunrise, canyoneered like a boss, and hugged a hobo)
If you mean the kind of thrill you get when you’re about to rappel a 200 foot cliff or go on an awesome roller coaster, then no. For whatever reason, my mind has reserved such sensations for things involving heights/adrenalin.
Let me rephrase: Do I ever get crushes/squishes? Hell yes, although until recently I didn’t recognize them as such. That usually involves a general sense of nervousness/fixation/excitement, sans butterflies of course.
(I need a pipe for moments like this where I start pontificating. One with bubbles).